>Those nice people at Lib Dem Voice have given us the task of forming a Fantasy Liberal Cabinet, which can include politicians past and present. The Hon Lady Mark has taken this a step further and allocated me the job of Secretary of State for Scotland in a Lib Dem bloggers’ cabinet. I am of course honoured to accept and look forward to working with First Minister Bernard to introduce STV for Holyrood elections. Inverness will get its bypass, we’ll have a new Forth crossing in no time, we’ll get working on getting more powers for the Parliament based on what people actually want, we’ll use the ones we’ve already got to maximum effect and everything in Scotland will be sunny and rosy.
Anyway to be serious (kind of), here’s my list:
Nick Clegg– Prime Minister cos he’s personable, a good leader and will get the best out of his team
Vince Cable – Chancellor of the Exchequer – altogether now “noooo – body does it better, Ba-aby you’re the best”
Shirley Williams – Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs – she has such a passion for liberalism and human rights and we could trust her to be ethical
Baronness Ros Scott – Leader in the Lords. She will have to wear the silly hat when they elect a new speaker.
Alistair Carmichael – Home Secretary – in this job you need someone whose liberal instincts you can trust at all times.
Jo Swinson – Justice. I think she’d be great at bringing in a truly rehabilitative justice system.
Steve Webb – Work & Pensions – nobody knows it better.
Sandra Gidley – Health – her professional background will help here
Diana Maddock – Education. As a former councillor, she’ll have the experience to deal with this
Tim Farron – Environment, Food and Rural Affairs
Willie Rennie – Energy and Climate Change. Will be practical and knowledgeable and is against nuclear power
Susan Kramer– Transport again another expert in the field
Elspeth Attwooll – Defence. She won’t buy us any more nuclear weapons!
William Beveridge – International Development – he formed the welfare state, now he can sort out world poverty
Paul Holmes– Communities and Local Government – nobody knows housing better and we need someone in that job who can deliver for the sakes of the millions of homeless and inadequately housed people
David Penhaligon – Constitutional Affairs. Can you just imagine how he would make the case for the sweeping reform we need. Still miss him all these years on.
Clement Freud – Culture, Media and Sport. Think he’d raise the game a bit!
Julia Goldsworthy – Chief Secretary to the Treasury I can see her being effective at slicing up the pie to each department
Ming Campbell – Leader of the Commons – he knows Parliament and how to reform it
Paddy Ashdown – Secretary of State for Northern Ireland to knock heads together when necessary
Russell Johnston – Europe – does anybody know more than Russell about Europe?
Ray Michie – Secretary of State for Scotland – the Queen of Home Rule would know what it’s all about
Lynne Featherstone – Business Secretary (or whatever it’s called these days)
I think it’s quite important that these people don’t develop that Amnesia that ministers sometimes fall prey to – you know, how they forget that they have some accountable directly to people, or that they are actually a member of a political party whose members expect them to do things like stick to party policy and stuff like that. SO, I’m going to nominate some special advisers who will keep them on their toes. I won’t give them departments, cos they’ll be able to sort that out for themselves.
So, in charge of keeping these people real and giving them a kick up the arse when they deserve it are, in no particular order, James Graham, Jennie Rigg, Charlotte Gore (but it’s probably best if we keep her away from public spending decisions so as not to scare lefties like me), Costigan Quist, Helen Duffett, Stephen Tall, Dr Pack (just in case any of them start slacking) and Cllr the Hon Lady Mark. I’m sure these esteemed advisers won’t let anybody away with any nonsense.
And just as a thought – this is most definitely not party policy, but I think what we should appoint a new Archbishop of Canterbury just before we disestablish the Church!